Lost To Idle Occupations

Been awhile since I've posted anything here. Life has busy with bands and booking plus I've really taken a break from the net but I wanted to let everyone know that I am alive and tomorrow (4/17) I am having a birthday party show at the Knit. Here's the flyer... come one, come all...

I hosted my first day of Manic Metal on KNAC.com today. Well, yesterday now but anyways. It's not 100% that I am doing this all the time as the station manager is lagging on giving me the full go ahead. The response today was really good though.

I played some Aborted, Carcass, Skeletal Earth, GodFlesh, Cannibal Corpse, Nile, Terrorizer, The Ocean, EyeHateGod, Absu, Exciter, Kreator, Sepultura, Living Sacrifice, Obituary, Covenance and a few others. It was weird talking on the air but I think I pulled it off pretty good.

I should be back on air next Sunday between 1-3pm PST. It's free to listen, just make sure you click on the link for the free service as there is a subscription link as well.

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I must have slept in a weird ass position last night as my neck is fucking killing me! I always sleep in weird positions but damn, I must have had my neck cocked in some funky way last night. Damn it... I need pain pills again!

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In a strange turn of events I am going to be doing sound for JEWEL on a video she's filming. Hahahaha. It's just strange that someone who's known primarily for mixing Metal is going to be working with her. I am sure that I won't have lots of contact with her but still, it's weird if you really think about it.

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East Coast tour is looming! I still have to re-order our merchandise, make copies of our demo (yeah, we're DIY like that... home made demos fool) and get my gear situation all figured out. I wanted to design a new shirt but time is going fast and I am pretty much working every damned day until two days before we leave.

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Due to money I am getting a roommate. I've lived alone for quite sometime now and though I love having this house all to myself I just can't hack it anymore. I can afford the bills but I am always working my ass off without having any time for myself really. I ultimately think getting a roommate will help me with paying off my bills, saving money and then ultimately working less than four damned jobs.

The other good thing is that I've known the guy for around 2 years so we at least know something about each other. He works at the Knitting Factory as well so that will curb the whole "hey dude, lets go to your job and get loaded" scenario.

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Lots to do, just wanted to rant as my mailing list was being sent out which pretty much means I am boring any of you who actually get to the end of this. Maybe one day I'll start giving away prizes! Wooooo!

Been hanging out with two of the guys from BLOOD DUSTER for the last few days. The whole band was staying with me until Sunday and now there's two of them left. They actually leave tomorrow and I must say that I am going to miss them. They've turned out to be some really cool "cunts."

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I started working part time at the Scene Bar in Glendale as a sound tech. Nice little dive but the sound was always ass. They've put a lot more into it though and it sounds a hell of a lot better now. I am working tomorrow and the bands playing are "gutter Country" so you better believe that I am going to have a good damned time!

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Was offered a job doing sound for VADER on the upcoming Summer Slaughter tour. Probably would have been good money but I had to turn it down as #1 it's too soon and #2 some of the dates would be cutting into the TDP tour. Oh well... I am sure jobs like this will keep coming in as my reputation of a decent sound guy keeps getting out.

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I just saw today that COLDPLAY is going to be playing the Forum!!!! I want to go so damned bad. Yeah yeah, eat shit. I love COLDPLAY. I've mentioned it a million times but people still give me shit about it. The ironic thing was when the singer of BLOOD DUSTER saw my COLDPLAY 7 inch boxset he told me that he was a HUGE fan too! Metal dudes CAN like them!

Anyways, I want to see them but I also saw their playing the MGM Grand in Vegas and that might be a really cool trip. Vegas and COLDPLAY... oh my!

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Went to the Burgundy Room the other night for the first time in at least 2 years. The bartender was a total bitch and the DJ sucked. I always tip bartenders really well but we didn't tip her much at first as I wanted to see if her attitude would change with a standard tip. It didn't, she acted like we were a burden. We still tipped her for each round but nothing more then the minimum as she just was an ass.

Remember kids... if you hate your job then FUCKING QUIT and don't take it out on your patrons. That's just crap.

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Need to shave, need a haircut, need new pants. Need a makeover actually. I am looking more and more like a damned bear each day. I think tomorrow thee ole clippers will be making an appearance in Salon De Dismal. Ooooh la la.

Been a long couple of weeks. Lots of shows, most did well but I had to deal with some horrendous attitudes from certain bands. Entitlement issues galore.

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Going through my usual "I need to take a step back and stop working so much" phase again. My personal life is in the proverbial shitter as all I do is work, work, eat, work... you get the point.

I honestly do think I am addicted to working though.

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Two great one off shows this week. Wednesday is ANAAL NATHRAKH from England and Thursday is BLOOD DUSTER from Australia. A few people asked me how I get bands to do one offs like this all the time. Simple, I am reliable and I pay bands really well. No secret that money really DOES make the world go round.

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Leaving for a small East Coast tour with THE DOLEMITE PROJECT at the end of June. Should be fun. I have a lot of stuff to get ready for this little excursion but it will ultimately be worth it. I love CREMATORIUM but doing things with CTM is so much more like "work" for me whereas things with TDP are more relaxed and fun.

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A funny phenomenon to me has always been people who think that they can talk shit and the person they're talking shit about will not find out... especially on the internet! Bottom line is don't talk shit when you don't have a leg to stand on. It's a very simple code of ethics to be honest. If you do it, don't be surprised when the repercussions come rolling around.

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Been catching up on movies after work lately. I used to do this all the time but I got sucked into watching shows on my DVR over the last few years. Watching movies makes me miss set building but I honestly don't like actors / directors, hahaha.

Oh... and for those of you that didn't know, I did attend college and my major(s) were English, Theater Tech and Film. I was planning on being a set builder until the romance of the overall industry fell apart. I also didn't have the money to finish so I never received a damned degree. D'oh.

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Better do some laundry and get things together for work tonight. I have a long night of booty bling hip hop to mix. Gyeah.

Had to work last night until nearly 4am and then had to be back at work at 9am. I will not be done tonight until at least 3am and THEN I need to be back the next day by 3pm. Working on Monday too. Doing sound for the Kid Frost show. Not looking forward to it because there's more then likely going to be some sort of violence since Kid Frost draws a predominately gang oriented crowd.

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Noticed that my stimulus came through yesterday. Hooray for $600 I didn't expect to get. Too bad it's all going to bills. Damned bills. Always ruining my chances of possibly taking a vacation!

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Anyone want to go see the Police? They're playing at the Hollywood Bowl on May 28th. I originally bought the tickets for a friend and myself but now said friend and I are not speaking to each other. I have two tickets, I don't care to go because this said friendship meant a lot to me and I really don't feel like being reminded of what has transpired. The tickets are not cheap though, they're $154.50 a piece. They will be going up on E-Bay but I figured I would make mention here as well.

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I am supposed to start hosting Manic Metal on KNAC.com sometime soon. The station manager is not getting back to me though. I was told that the show would be mine and 2 other DJ's are trying to figure out what's going on with no luck thus far. Hopefully this still goes through because I'd like to have a release such as this in my life. Playing Metal and talking about it is pretty much the only hobby that's stuck with me throughout the years.

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I meant to make mention of this before but I am a lame ass. My default picture on LJ is a picture of myself and my friends dog Moo. My friends name is Zoe, she and her boyfriend unfortunately got in a car accident a few weeks back. They're both OK but the dog was also in the car and when the paramedics opened the door to the car Moo ran away in fear. Zoe has been trying to locate her beloved Moo with no luck. This all happened around the area of Fountain and Highland I believe. If anyone sees a dog that resembles Moo please let me know. Moo is very unique and should be easy to spot. Zoe has been watch dogging (no pun intended) the animal shelters with no avail so at this point someone has to have Moo. Moo is a chihuahua with cow like markings. Please keep your eyes peeled and please contact me if you see a dog like this.

Here's a link for more information...

http://community.livejournal.com/los_angeles/3876214.html

The Wake the Dead festival was last night. It didn't do nowhere near as well as last year. I think there was just too much going on last night especially with Coachella. Lost money on the whole thing, luckily it wasn't an obscene amount but it's still cash.

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Had a lot of work piled on me at the end of the night as well. Some of it was my fault, some of it was because one of my partners got blacked out drunk. That was unfortunate because I really wanted to talk some of the bands guarantees down. The headliner asked me if I felt they delivered and I honestly told them no. They seemed a little shocked that I would tell them what I did but hey, when you ask for an honest opinion you're going to get one.

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Drove away a close friend of mine last night. I had some things that I was getting off my chest but was doing so at the wrong time. It was a case of me letting my frustrations get the best of me and now I am left with hurting my friend and gaining no ground on the points I was trying to make. I need to learn to not just voice things right when I think about them and wait until the right time. It's a serious character flaw of mine.

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Got to start finalizing the details of Thrasho De Mayo, which is yet another fest that I am doing. I don't know why I keep booking these fests. In the long run things always come down to me and I seriously can't handle it as much as I would like to think I can. From that 12 hour panic attack at Murderfest to starting a debate with my friend at Wake the Dead, I really just need to step it back with these multi-band bills.

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Moaning LJ entries seem to be my thing lately. I really think I need a vacation. Camping sounds pretty good right now. A few days on a lake with some beers and fish. Ahhhhhh. Decompression.

Murderfest sold out 2 out of 3 days. This is a really big deal since the previous years have not sold out. It's a really big deal to me that something I created is finally starting to take off like this.

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Day one of Murderfest was actually my 33rd birthday. A few people that I didn't expect to forget my birthday did which really bummed me out. Both have apologized for the oversight and both know that it really hurt me. Kind of a hard thing to just brush under the rug sometimes though.

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Had a panic attack all of Sunday. My chest was hurting and I just couldn't be around people for long periods of time. Dolemite played on Sunday and received a great response but everything is a blur because I was really concentrating on not throwing my guitar down and running off stage.

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This weekend is Wake The Dead 2 which is the goth / death rock fest I book with Nelson, Tony and Eric. A lot of problems are arising with our headliner and it's pissing me off. It's really astounding to me that a band would question the whole "a headliner plays last" mentality of booking. I have to figure this whole thing out before Saturday. At this point I just am ready to explode with this band.

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Slept all of yesterday. I think my body was just worn out. Seems like I wasted a day but I know I really needed it or else my body would have just shut down.

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Back to the grind.

I am sick as hell. Not sure where it came from but it's hitting me like a ton of bricks.

Today was supposed to be a productive one. Better mark that off my calendar.

Been so busy lately that I really haven't had time to breath!

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Working like a mad man on the 2008 Murderfest. The line-up this year came together quite nicely with featured performances from the likes of CONVERGE, THE RED CHORD, ENTOMBED, MASSACRE, REPULSION, VITAL REMAINS, MONSTROSITY, NAPALM DEATH, EXTREME NOISE TERROR, TODAY IS THE DAY, CATTLE DECAPITATION plus many many MANY more.

http://www.losangelesmurderfest.com

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Shows keep picking up for the Church of the 8th Day. We hit a REALLY bad patch of shows around 4 months ago which almost landed us out of business. We scrapped our way back out of oblivion and now we're back at square one. It's somewhat exciting to see this thing growing again but it's also scary since I have so much on the line.

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Mixed Club Vodka this weekend but actually had a good time. Made some really good connections and I am hoping they all come through because it would be really good money as well as a huge leap in my sound engineer career.

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I was asked to be a DJ on KNAC.com. I am waiting for the station manager to get back to me but two of the current DJ's over there want me on the air with them. They know I know my shit as it comes to Metal and they also know I could pull off some amazing interviews, sponsored shows etc etc etc. I am really excited for the opportunity if it happens because it says a lot for the work I have been putting in over the years.

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I actually have so much to say but I am getting in that routine where I write in this thing every once and awhile and I don't want to over do it. I really need to use this thing like I was a few months ago. It really helps me get the cobwebs out so to speak.

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Better get back to work. I do want to try and sleep sometime tonight and I have a lot of stuff to do during the day.

Been almost a month since I've posted anything in here. Been busy as hell with work, work and more work.

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I actually had yesterday off but I spent the better part of it lying on the couch dealing with a migraine. I don't get them as often as I did around 6 years ago but lately they've been creeping back into my life. Stupid head pain.

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I got the sickness that seems to be afflicting everyone lately. Dolemite Project did a small 4 date tour and that's when I picked up this nasty little bug. Been trying to shake it for a few weeks now. I don't feel as sick until the mornings then I can still feel a soreness in my throat and I hack shit up like mad.

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The TDP mini-tour I mentioned above went really well. We played Corona, Los Angeles, Visalia and Sacramento. We almost had to cancel the last two dates as that was the same weekend they had to keep shutting the Grapevine down due to snow. Luckily we caught windows of opportunity both on the way up North and on the way home.

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Does anyone else think it's ridiculous how they shut the Grapevine down? I mean, maybe it's because I have done so much driving on tour and have had to drive through snow and storms but come on, every time that pass gets a little weather on it they shut it down. You'd think by now that they'd figure out how to salt the roads and plow them throughout the night. I mean, we all pay taxes for that shit, right?

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I did have tonight off as well but I got called into work. Can't complain, need the money but it does restrict what I had planned for today. While I was on the couch yesterday I just kept saying to myself "don't worry, you can catch up tomorrow!" Now tomorrow just got cut in half. Luckily I have a laptop and I can answer e-mails in between bands at work.

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I have always been personal about my personal life... in my mind, that's why it's called personal! When I do get personal it's because it's extremely bad or extremely good. Right now my personal life is extremely good. I've been getting to know someone that's turning out to be extremely special. We have a lot of the same viewpoints on life, we both don't want to take things too fast and so far everything has been going really well. Not trying to jinx it and believe me, I am knocking on wood here but I find myself extremely happy at this juncture.

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Damnit, I just left another load in the laundry!!!! Veronica brought me a timer a few months ago and I keep forgetting to set it! I better get it in the dryer as my work clothes are in there and I have to take off in less then an hour!

Been catching up on a lot of Church of the 8th Day business recently which is good. Still not making any money but I've been picking up a lot of business and some very impressive agents are starting to accept offers from me. This could hopefully lead somewhere positive.

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I need new lenses for my glasses already. I had my old pair broken right before my last tour with Crematorium. Veronica and I picked out some new frames and we had the lenses made by a little shop on Melrose. Very nice people, very nice doctor but the lenses they gave me are really poorly made. I was very careful with them but they started getting scratched a few weeks after I got them. I know Lens Crafters is a corporation but their lenses at least last for a year.

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I have been getting money back from the people that owe me slowly but surely. This couldn't come at a better time as my rent is due in a few days. It's hard for me to constantly ask for what I am due but this time around I have been making sure to remind people to at least pay me something or keep me in the loop with their money situations. Just being left to wonder is what really sucks when someone owes you money.

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Tonight is the Cult of the Horns return to Hollywood and it should be fun. I am bringing out a pretty eclectic mix of vinyl with me tonight. Some Black Flag, some Mayhem, some Zeni Geva, Some Godflesh, some Creedence and a whole bunch more. The three bands playing tonight are all old school style Swedish Death Metal so it should be a really good time. Plus, it's only 5 bucks so we're expecting a lot of people to just come out and chill.

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The Dolemite Project played a show on Friday night. We played at a place called Chuco's Justice Center on Martin Luther King Jr Blvd. The neighborhood used to be a lot shadier but it has cleaned up some. The whole show started an hour late which sucked. When we took the stage the place got pretty packed. About a song and a half into our set the pit got a little out of control and some guys flew into me which pushed me into my amp which fell on one of the PA speakers. I pushed people off, turned around to see a poor little girl holding up my amp and as I put the head and rack back on the speaker a HUGE fight broke out. I can't go into full detail but the gist of it is that it spilled out onto the street. I tried to control a lot of people but it was no use. I got hit a few times, nothing bad and I had to kick a few people off of me. There was even a three car pile-up on the street as people drove by. Needless to say, the show was canceled after this. Sucks because the crowd was sitting around for 3 hours waiting for us and the last band, which never got to play.

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Crematorium played a show last night at the Black Castle on Manchester Blvd. Another questionable area but the actual club is pretty amazing. Unfortunately we went on late as some bands took forever to get on and off stage. I am friends with all of them so it's hard to really say anything to anyone. The suck ass thing is that a lot of friends came out and pretty much everyone left by the time we played. We played for around 15 people when there was almost 100 people there earlier on. At least we got to play a full set though. We're not planning on playing Los Angeles again until the Summer.

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Speaking of Crematorium. We're finally going to Europe. We FINALLY found a reputable agent to work with. That's going to rule. I am already going to Europe in April for a few weeks to run sound for Fueled By Fire. That means Europe twice in one year. Yes!

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My friend Rajah from The End Records sent me a new package of music. He sent me a re-mix of an old Sigh album, Anneke's (ex-The Gathering vocalist) new finalized album, the last The Gathering double live CD and a band called Enemy Of The Sun who are fucking AMAZING. Imagine a Death Metal version of Faith No More with some of the quirky elements of Mr Bungle. It's not as refined as either but it's a breath of fresh air.

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Rambling on by now. Haven't had much time to write anything so I wanted to try and get down some thoughts. Sorry to anyone who actually had to read all of this.

Worked in NYE at the Knitting Factory. Stood pretty damned sober until around 12:30 and then the shit started flowing. Shot after shot after shot after shot. By 2:30am I was just a blurb of drunk madness.

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A girl asked me if I could do something about the music at the club and I told her no. She was talking to me nicely but it was pretty lame. I mean, I can't control what the DJ plays. She said something about me dancing to the music and I told her "no, I don't dance anyways." She then said how she was taking offense to the crap they were playing. I told her "I take offense to that" and pointed behind her at two guys holding an extremely obese girl up in the air while pretending to fuck her on both ends.

Talk about perfect timing.

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Somehow another co-worker got me to dance with them. That's two times in one year. Wow. I never dance. I cannot dance. I look stupid when I dance. Some people said I looked like I knew what I was doing though. I wonder if that was when I was pretending to floor punch and windmill hXc style.

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Drunk as hell. I walked home from the Knitting Factory to my house. Took me around 45 minutes. I guy started to give me shit but I think I scared him off when I reached into my pocket and told him something like "fuajck joo man. I wieel busts you downz!"

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My New Years Day was spent on the couch. Not from a hangover but from a massive migraine. After I picked up my van a set of headlights hit me in the wrong way and that started it. I spent all night on the couch watching the Twilight Zone re-runs. It was alright but man I felt like shit.

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Today I went up to my mom's as it was her birthday. I bought her dinner and then went out to work for our holiday party, which somewhat sucked. Marlo, the same co-worker who got me to dance earlier this year tried to get me to dance with her again. I writhed away and ran to her boyfriend. He wasn't having the dance fever either. Still a bit screwed up from NYE though. My stomach hates me.

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NYE / NYD had a special meaning to me. Still does in a sense as it was a big mile marker for me in my adult life. I think all the walking and drinking kept me looking forward instead of back. That's been my goal over the last three months. Trying to not live in the past and hold grudges for things that I cannot control. A co-worker asked me how I can just drop things and try to move on. I told him that I don't forget and I really don't drop things, I just push them aside, keep them in view and try to not let any ill feelings fuck up my view of things. Sure, I have gotten angry about a few things lately but I don't sit in a pot and stew in my own juices.

He said it was unhealthy to do that though. I think otherwise because I am not neglecting the things going on around me but rather accepting them and trying to not let them control me.

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Damnit, I have a HELL of a lot of work to catch up on. I think I need a damned vacation again. The last thing I did was go to Vegas with Veronica before my last tour. I wonder if camping would be a bad idea this time of year? I think some time alone in the mountains would actually do me some good. Especially if I didn't have any Crown Royal around me.

Spent Christmas Eve at my boss's (sound wise) of the Knitting Factory's house. Went with Marlo and Chris. Saw Kara and Danny there. Danny likes to flick me in the balls but he didn't do it this time. That was probably the best Christmas gift he could give me. Ate some tamales and talked a lot of shit. Pretty good times.

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Met the guy who engineered the Bangin' On Wax record at the party. He told me stories about the recording session. I told him how I always thought it would have been a nutty experience and he backed up my thoughts. I mean, come on... you throw the Crips and the Bloods into a recording studio what else are you expecting.



Fuckin' ruthless!

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Spent Christmas at my moms. She made lasagna. Christmas time is the only time she'll make it and the shit is AMAZING!!!! She seemed really happy with her gifts. I got her 2 wall calendars (one for home, one for work) and one desk calendar. All three were different so she wouldn't be stuck staring at the same images. I also bought her a George Foreman grill and a 5 disc CD changer.

She got me 2 sheet sets and a new comforter for my new bed. She also gave Iva a remote control mouse toy which she's already going ape shit for! I also got the final cut version of Bladerunner, the Simpsons movie and a bunch of stuff for my office.

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Suicide Silence played at the Knitting Factory last night. It was packed. I was the first guy to book that band in LA, I put them on a few more bigger shows throughout the years, I booked their first tour and I helped them in many ways. Last night their bass player asked me why I didn't book the show last night and I told them "tell your agent to let me book you again."

I doubt they're that out of the loop to realize that over the last two years only the Whisky books their shows in Los Angeles. There's a reason for that. Their manager wanted them to go that route because of the money the Whisky could guarantee over what I could guarantee.

To be honest. If two of the bands I helped out in the past whom are bigger right now would play some shows for me I would be out of debt pretty quick. It actually kind of rubs me raw to see all the bands I helped out go to play for other clubs and promoters after I spent a lot of time and money on them when they were first starting up. I guess it would be asking too much for bands to re-invest a little into something that helped create them?

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Got the next few nights off from the club. Got a lot to catch up on though, as always. I have a lot of e-mails to get to, some more work to do on Murderfest, I have to walk to CVS to get Iva some more food and then I have band practices over the next few nights.

It's funny how "days off" for me are really anything but.

Tonight I have to run between two shows. The one that I am throwing at the Relax Bar and then the one I am throwing at the Knitting Factory. Should be immense fun. Not.

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The Relax Bar pulled a nice little stunt on me. The show was originally slated to end around 1am and I just received an e-mail that the show had to be done by 11pm. A 2 hour cut in my time there. This is making the whole show turn into a mess. I cannot start the show any earlier then I promoted it which means I have 2 1/2 hours to have four bands set up / play / tear down.

It's almost impossible.

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My mom lent me all the Shrek movies. She said I'd like them. I saw the first one last night and I must admit that it was really damned funny. There's actually a lot of adult humor in it. A co-worker told me that it's like that in all three of the films. I am going to watch #2 tonight and see how it is.

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Fucking cold as hell in my house. This is the third place in a row I have lived where there's no heating or air conditioner. I thought I've grown accustomed to it but over the last few days it's been an ice box in my house. I do have space heaters but those things dry me up really bad when I use them. Luckily I have tons of blankets and sleeping bags for my bed or else I would turn into a human meatsicle.

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I guess I better start getting ready for tonights romp through stress town. I hope everything goes as smooth as it can and I don't lose any cash.

Went out with my mom today. We grabbed some lunch and then I bought a small Christmas tree for Iva. Once I got home my mom and I decorated it and around a half hour after she left for home Iva is already knocking the bulbs off the tree. She's such a tree terrorist.

I know I bought it for her but damn it Iva, leave the bulbs alone!

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A show I put on this Tuesday faired pretty well. I am worried about the hip hop show I am putting on this Saturday night at the Knitting Factory. I originally booked it as a birthday show for my partner in the Melting Pot events that I put on. I just found out that he's doing a show with some of the same artists on Friday as well. Seems like a bad move to me and if the show loses money it's going to be on his shoulders as I don't have money to cover it.

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Dolemite is playing a show this Saturday as well with Bad Acid Trip. That show should do just fine as both bands usually draw pretty well.

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I need to stop talking about shows so much.

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In another disagreement with someone. Seems like some people that they know are telling stories about what I do with my life. This has happened before with this same person. Makes me wonder if one of my friends is out to get me OR if this person is just getting their stories mixed up. I just don't like it when people go around running their mouth about me when I haven't done a damned thing to deserve it.

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I have to get all my Christmas shopping done this weekend. Yes, I do wait way to long but oh well, I've always done this. I don't have much shopping to do this year as I really don't see that many people outside of work anymore. Kind of fucked up ultimately though. I should buy everyone gifts but money is pretty tight.

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My night out at the Johny Cash tribute was amazing. My friend Donovan came over to my house at the beginning of the night. A new friend named Lindsey came over as well. She moved down here to attend school for special effects make up and try to land a new job. We all went up to the Knitting Factory and met up with my friend Alex, who also played bass for Crematorium on our last tour. Marlo, Chris, Bruce, Else and a few other people I know where there as well. One of Lindsey's professors was at the Brigg's show, which I heard was also attended by Morrissey. Marlo convinced me to dance with her for awhile even though I suck at dancing. I tried to get her man Chris to dance with her but I guess he doesn't like to dance either. Lucky for her that I was pretty damned whiskey bent by the time she asked me because I never ever ever EVER dance.

All in all the night was fun. I got to have a good time and though we didn't go bar hopping, it felt like we went to a few places. Maybe that's one of the benefits of having three rooms of entertainment and bars at the Knit.

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This all makes me remember why I have a fascination with clocks. So much of our lives are based on time. The time we work, sleep and play. Our free time, our work time and the time we waste. I used to stare at the clock during weird moments of the day and as the second hand went by I thought to myself how clocks are really not a measurement of the day but rather a measurement of our lives. How each second was lost into the past and how the present really isn't something that existed.

Seriously, I really thought a lot about clocks. That all really fueled a lot of my early writing.

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I think I need to write again. I somewhat miss putting pen to paper. It really did a lot more for me then what I call my hobbies these days.

Not working at the club tonight! This is actually my first Friday night off in a long damned time. My friend Donovan is cruising over and we're going to rip it up tonight. The first stop, ironically is my job. Cash'd Out is playing tonight and we're going to check them out. They're a Johny Cash tribute band made up of some members who actually played with him while he was alive. Should be pretty exciting. After that we're just going to go bar hopping.

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Was talking to another friend through e-mail today. Told them about my plans and they gave me shit because I didn't invite them. Jesus, give me a break. Can't I enjoy one day without the whole bit? Then, when I invited them I got the "it's cool, I don't want to be a burden on you" line. I left it at that as I really am tired of that crap.

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In the middle of re-alphabetizing all my CD's. I did it when I first moved in to this house. Dante unfortunately knocked the rack over. I put the CD's back without alphabetizing them and then while I was on tour Iva knocked the racks over again. This time I anchored the racks to the wall, which is what I should have done in the first place. I finished alphabetizing them by actual groups but now I am working on alphabetizing them by band within their actual letter.

Some people say this is a little much but it's not. It makes is EASY to find a CD when you have as many as I do.

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Working Club Vodka tomorrow. Ugh. That shit drives me nuts. The crowd can be a little aggravating and the bands get on my nerves sometimes. I guess at least the main promoter of the night likes me which means he backs me up on all my decisions. I just hate managing on this night because I have to oversea a huge operation and I never get out before 4am.

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I am drinking tonight. Fuck it, I need it. I am having Donovan meet me here and then we'll take a taxi up to the Knit. We'll either walk back OR take a taxi back. Not planning on driving AT ALL tonight. I figure if I am going off my "Dan no get drunk diet" I better at least be responsible.

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Damnit, still gotta shit, shower and shave!

I guess it's easier getting ready when you're a guy though. I do not envy women and all that they do before they go out.

Three shows in a row.

Friday - Show bombed but didn't have too many bills on the night. Was able to at least make back my flyer expenses.

Saturday - Sold out! Amazing show, amazing bands, crowd was killer. Bar didn't do to well but we were able to cover our expenses and FINALLY put some money in our pockets.

Sunday - Only 100 paid. High bills on the night lead to a $1500 loss. I pretty much took all the money I made from the last two days, all the money people paid me for rent at the practice studio and the money I threw in for door change to pay off the bands, the club and the bills on the night.

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Fucking re-calculus!

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I am planning on asking all the bands I've helped out throughout the years in LA to play a show for free to help benefit the Church of the 8th Day. At this point, I keep losing money and I am either going to have to sell the business off OR shut down for good. A few people have told me to go the route of a presale ticket promoter on all my events but I am just not into that. I guess I'd rather kill this company then sell it out to things against the reasons why I started it.

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I guess I am pigheaded.

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I have to pay my rent in a few days. I need to register my van but before I can I need to get it smogged because it was under Mark's name and then I bought it off the band (Crematorium) so I could use the van for work. Money money money.

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I guess things could be a whole lot worse.

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Been having some crazy dreams lately. The hair and plastic crap in my throat subsided but I have been having dreams about sailing on the see in a small row boat with some people that I know. Plus there's been a lot of crazy driving in my dreams. It's almost like a weird acid flashback. It's just odd to me because for years I could never remember my dreams and now they're sticking in my mind so vividly.

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Well, I better start hustlin' I have literally 4 days to come up with around $1200 to pay for all this shit. Maybe I should start sellin booty?

Played a show last night with Dolemite. We actually nailed our set. Practice is a good thing but not being obliterated drunk is even better when it comes to playing. I used my Fender Jaguar for the first time. It's actually easier for me to play as I learned to play guitar on a Fender. Everyone said the sound was pretty immense and people freaked out that I use two amps and switch off between them during certain parts.

Go me.

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What's weird about last night (on the business side) is that all of Dolemite is from Los Angeles and the other bands (except for two) were from the general area. We drew 12 people to see us and the other bands drew 0-5 people! That's pretty pathetic for a Friday night in your home town area. One of the bands didn't even show up and they were supposed to play after us so there was nearly an hour of dead space. We could have played longer but of course no one told us until we already tore down.

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Iva has been driving me insane lately. She's constantly tearing apart things and making a mess. She moves her food and water bowls into the middle of the floor so I trip on them. Last night she got into a bag of cat treats, ate them all the then proceeded to vomit allover my registration renewal and some bills. Pretty much, I need to get her a companion before I ring her fuzzy little neck. She wasn't this destructo when Dante was here.

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Saw Transformers last night. Whomever told me that movie was good is full of shit. It was boring, the plot was stupid and it just sucked. Yeah yeah, the CGI was good but come on, the rest of the movie was stupid as fuck!

Veronica told me that Beowulf was amazing. I might take my mom to see it this week as she's on vacation and she wants to hang out, grab lunch and watch a movie before I go to work. I used to love the book so I am hoping the story line is up to par. Knowing my mom, she'll love it as we both love movies like this.

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As I was sitting on my couch, watching Transboners and eating nachos I had a very extreme calm come over me. There's a lot of things in my life that suck right now but I have a tendency to find a lot of peace in that. I have always been this way and I don't know why. I don't use it as a catalyst to do better in life, I really just sit back and say "fuck it." I am not sure if it's healthy but it does lead to me not sitting around and dwelling on the bad shit in my life. I accept them, say "whatever" and just deal with shit. I think the only real complaining I do is here, which I am sure gets a little aggravating.

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It's been text message mania for me today. I believe everyone decided to say hello to me and ask me how I am doing at the same time on the same day. It's cool but a little bit overwhelming. I wish people would just be on a schedule that's not all running on the same "hey, I wonder what Dan is doing" time.

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Working tonight, tomorrow, and Monday. Have Tuesday off but that means Dolemite practice and working for myself.

Ahhhh, the grand life of being a pathetic bachelor. Cheers to that.

Seems like I have to keep telling the same people the same story over and over again. I am starting to get to the point where I might just cut these people out of my life because they either aren't listening to me or they just don't get it. It's quite simple actually and I cannot see why I have the same conversations week after week after week.

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One of my friends keeps giving me shit about not being able to hang out. How I don't care at all about them and how I am never there anymore. I've explained to them what's going on in my life and how my lifestyle had to change almost over night. Like clockwork though, I get shit about it every week. Not once have they said "hey man, I understand, how are YOU doing?"

Maybe I am just letting it get to me too much?

It just irks me because they don't even pay rent and they actually owe me money. It's like, come on... you want me around more then pay me back the cash you owe me so I can actually take a day off!

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I guess bitching and moaning doesn't make it any better but it feels like I am letting off steam at least.

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Someone asked me the other day if I was looking to be in a relationship and I told them no. They looked at me like I was diseased or something!? I told them that at this point I have too much going on in my life and I need to figure that crap all out and get myself back to square one before I can see anyone. I already hurt one person recently and I cannot do that again.

All they came back with was "well, if the right person comes along that will change your mind!"

Again, it's not about the wrong or right people, it's about me and truly where I am right now with having to work so much. Is that not clear to anyone?

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I guess people think I am going to turn into a hermit or something but honestly, what's wrong with buckling down and handling your shit. Getting yourself out of the hole? Out of debt? Taking care of the only family member you have and trying to really do something that's your own rather then working for someone else your whole life?

Personally, I am content with how much I work but I am growing weary of people not accepting that.

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Of course I don't mean all my friends. A lot of them support me and understand but as the old saying goes, it only takes one bad apple to ruin the bunch. Right now, I have a 6 pack of bad apples and I am really close to dumping them in a bottle, closing the lid and letting them ferment.

Irony is such a cold bitch sometimes.

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The other day I was talking to my Mom on the phone before work. As I was saying goodbye she told me to be careful as she always does. She then went on to tell me about a man who was gunned down in front of his house on Thanksgiving day. She told me how the world is insane and that she cannot be one of those parents who bury their children. I told her I would be fine and not to worry as I always do.

She tends to worry a lot.

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I received an e-mail yesterday from a friend I've known for nearly 12 years. He was telling me how a mutual friend of ours was killed. He was standing in the front of his house on Thanksgiving day and was gunned down. At this point the shooter is claiming self defense but the story is that our friends sister dates within a circle known for gang activity. Fishy indeed.

I am trying to figure out a way to help them raise money to put him to rest. Unfortunately his family is not well off in any way.

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My mom did not know my friend at all, she just heard it on the news.

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I've been having dreams for many years that have to do with me pulling strands of hair out of my throat. The strands get stuck in my throat and I have to yank them out. Last night I had a vivid dream of pulling pieces of plastic out of my throat. I must have had a buckets worth of plastic chips and shavings before I woke up to Iva running around the house. I am not sure what these dreams mean but they're the only ones I remember anymore.

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Busy week of work and shows coming up. I had today off and I spent it cleaning and rearranging my home. It looked very cold since Veronica moved out. I moved my dresser in my room, I moved a lot of clothes that I wear into the bedroom closet and I began to re-alphabetize my CD collection. Dishes, laundry and vacuuming ensued. The place looks a lot better.

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I need to go to the grocery store but I've also been catching up on computer work. Been getting help with flyers from Crystal which has really helped me. I appreciate my wife! Now all she needs to do is let me sleep with our husband and stop bogarting the butthole.